Chivalry

funny thing is I mean for this to be a positive thing that is also a teaching tool and it seems to do nothing but piss off a lot of women. Irony?

Ladies, I realize it probably isn’t your fault that you may be caught by surprise when someone tries to help you with your coat. I know it might be a shocker that in this age of remote door locks that someone would take the time to get to your door in time to open it for you, even in a blustery, snow filled wind. It seems that women have grown to accept that their husband, boyfriend or date will go through an entrance before them and let the door close in your face. I get it, your expectations have lessened. However, with that said: ‘chivalry is not dead’ – and I’m not the only one that practices the disappearing art of basic manners. There are still a few males and females that are not so completely self-absorbed that they can’t be generous with graciousness.

With that I have a few pointers for the women that haven’t had too many experiences being treated like a lady.

1. When I hold the entrance (or exit) door open please don’t scoff, look offended and have a disgusted look on your face. I know you are capable of opening a door. You were near and I’m trying to be polite. I won’t rip your purse off of your shoulder as you go through the door.

2. When I help you with your coat or jacket, please don’t throw your arms up around your shoulder. This makes putting on your coat very difficult and it becomes some kind of twisted game. Both of your hands go behind you near your buttocks – as if you are getting ready for flight like you are a jet. Your hands go into the arm holes. I will slide your garment up your arms towards your shoulders simultaneously as you slowly bring your arms forward. If we are on very familiar terms I may help you with your hair so it is pulled outside of your overcoat so that it doesn’t pull on your hair.

3. If we are being seated at a table I will pull the chair out for you. Please don’t look at me like I am Curly from the 3 Stooges. It serves me no good purpose to have you end up on your backside on the floor. When you sit down in the chair would you please help me out a little as we slide the chair forward towards the table? Now don’t be surprised that if you leave the table upon your return I may rise out of my seat and repeat the process.

4. I will help you with carrying items that may be awkward; however I am not your purse. If you have a reapply lipstick habit, I will not be reaching into my pocket all night long. However I won’t mind holding on to your ID card for you. Please help remember that I have it though when the night is over so that it may be returned to you.

5. I won’t make you wait for me. I will arrive on time or slightly early. If there is any deviation in the plan I will contact you as soon as possible. Technology has made this easier so there should be no confusion. Please don’t have me sitting out in the car or in your living room with a bunch of strangers waiting. I appreciate you getting all dolled up but I will have no idea that hair number 2354 is out of place.

6. When I say “you look nice” a simple thank you is sufficient. I probably won’t believe that whatever you are wearing is ‘some old thing you just threw on’. Unless you truly look like you just did throw some old thing on.

7. I will try at least three times to communicate with you. I understand people are busy. I am too. Life is like baseball, if I don’t hear back from you or I feel a blow off after three attempts I will consider it a strikeout and I’ll do you the favor of losing your numbers, E-mail addresses, book of face invite and will stop following you on Twitter.

8. I will walk on the outside of the sidewalk (roadside) so that if a car splashes water, slush or other such nastiness hopefully I will block the muck so you don’t get splattered.

9. I will open the car door for you. If you can make sure that you are “all in” in a reasonable amount of time that would be greatly appreciated. It might be dark out and I might not see something is amiss. If there is any trouble please communicate that to me. This means knees, feet, coats, coat belts, purses, fingers, etc. AND it would be awesome if you would look to see if my car door is unlocked. There is an awesome scene in the movie The Bronx Tale that you may enjoy seeing. I’ve made a very strong decision about a woman that didn’t unlock the car door for me, based on that fact. I realize most cars have automatic locks but there may be extenuating circumstances at times.

10. I will say yes ma’am and no ma’am. It is a sign of respect and in no way a reference to how old you “feel”. Please don’t retort by saying “I’d rather have you call me a bitch.” If you do something of that nature I won’t call you at all.

You are woman. You are a gift. You are the giver of life – that should be revered. These are just a few reasons why I still practice chivalry. Also, my mother drilled it into my head when I was young and her voice is significantly louder now that she is dead. Please, don’t force me to disappoint my mother as she watches over me. She would want me to associate with people that have a higher standard than acting like someone that doesn’t deserve to have her door held for her.
Thank you for your time.