I had some errands to run while I was at work. Usually I park in an end space. I purposefully park far away from the other space because I have room on the far side of me where there isn't a space. So why is it when I go to my car some numbnut has parked their big ol' Chevy truck nearly on top of my car so that I have to squeeze my skinny brown butt through my door that I can barely open? Hey Forest, learn how to drive. Better yet, at least getting parking down before going out on the road!
I get to another parking lot and I choose to park in the far end of the lot next to an island that has a lamp post on it. I slid up real close to the island even though there isn't another car for many spaces. What do I see when I return? Another car all saddled up next to me. Are there people out there that get off on parking close to those that are trying to cut down on parking lot dings? I didn't ask to play this game.
I return to work and try to enter the parking lot. I must admit I was just as confused as I was stunned in that I could not understand why a bus would park in a lane in front of the parking lot entrance blocking any chance of slidding into the lot. That's okay, I'll wait.
When did people just stop caring about maybe someone else might have somewhere to go too?
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Your eyes may shine; your teeth may grit...
I’ve never been to prison. I’ve never spent a long stint in jail. I’ve never been in a position where I was starving. I’ve had times in my life when my cabinets were almost bare but have always managed to get at least a couple of meager meals in a day. So I can’t tell you where protecting my food comes from. I don’t like to share. Maybe it is a germ factor. I don’t like it when others put their spit filled fork on to my plate. I figure if I’m not in a kissing relationship with you I don’t want to use food as a cootie sharing medium.
There is another reason I don’t like to ‘share’. It seems I’m usually the guy with the goodies that others want but it is extremely rare that it works in reverse. I should not have to be the one doing all of the giving.
As I got older I thought maybe I was a bit too one sided on the matter. Maybe I was being a little greedy. Maybe there can be a healthy food sharing give and take. I have learned otherwise. For example I like candy. To my doctor’s chagrin, the more sugar the better, the more ‘high fructose corn syrup’ it has the more I enjoy the sweet stuff. Then it happens, I get the ‘what are you eating’ question. My palms get sweaty. I begin to have shortness of breath. I think to myself this person has never shared anything with me and the only vice they seem to have in public is smoking and drinking alcohol. I don’t do either. My heart rate begins to increase as I come to the conclusion that this is not going to be the beginning of a give and take relationship. Or more to accurately it is going to be me doing all the giving and the other person doing the taking. Most of the time I find it is easier just to concede give up my some of my sweet booty (like pirates' treasure not derriere).
I’ve had people just take before. I had a roommate empty a bottle of Chivas scotch I received as a gift that I was saving for a special occasion. He drank it and put the empty bottle back into the box it came in. He was gone, the special occasion arose and I went to celebrate with the scotch and it was gone.
Years later I decided to give sharing another chance. I am now able to offer a bite of my meal. Ya know, out to dinner with friends and someone asks if they can taste the delicious delectable that is before me. Then my nightmare became a reality. I was at work. I ordered myself some dinner. For whatever reason, I was deliriously hungry. I just wanted something to take the edge off, make the headache go away so I could finish my job, get home, eat, relax and go to bed. A co-worker saw my food. She said she hadn’t eaten all day. I told her then she should order something. Her expression changed to a blank stare for a moment, she asked if she could she have a bite. I reluctantly gave a positive nod. I’ll be damned if she didn’t start shoveling the food into her mouth. With her mandibles grinding, she mutters that she is so hungry that she could eat it all. I was in shock as I watched her masticate my food as if it were her own. From that point on in my mind our friendship will be forever marred.
So if you ever see me guarding my food as if I am protecting it from wild animals – I am. Human heifers have hampered my ability to be a gracious food sharer. My momma used to say: Your eyes may shine, your teeth may grit but none of my food are you gonna get.
There is another reason I don’t like to ‘share’. It seems I’m usually the guy with the goodies that others want but it is extremely rare that it works in reverse. I should not have to be the one doing all of the giving.
As I got older I thought maybe I was a bit too one sided on the matter. Maybe I was being a little greedy. Maybe there can be a healthy food sharing give and take. I have learned otherwise. For example I like candy. To my doctor’s chagrin, the more sugar the better, the more ‘high fructose corn syrup’ it has the more I enjoy the sweet stuff. Then it happens, I get the ‘what are you eating’ question. My palms get sweaty. I begin to have shortness of breath. I think to myself this person has never shared anything with me and the only vice they seem to have in public is smoking and drinking alcohol. I don’t do either. My heart rate begins to increase as I come to the conclusion that this is not going to be the beginning of a give and take relationship. Or more to accurately it is going to be me doing all the giving and the other person doing the taking. Most of the time I find it is easier just to concede give up my some of my sweet booty (like pirates' treasure not derriere).
I’ve had people just take before. I had a roommate empty a bottle of Chivas scotch I received as a gift that I was saving for a special occasion. He drank it and put the empty bottle back into the box it came in. He was gone, the special occasion arose and I went to celebrate with the scotch and it was gone.
Years later I decided to give sharing another chance. I am now able to offer a bite of my meal. Ya know, out to dinner with friends and someone asks if they can taste the delicious delectable that is before me. Then my nightmare became a reality. I was at work. I ordered myself some dinner. For whatever reason, I was deliriously hungry. I just wanted something to take the edge off, make the headache go away so I could finish my job, get home, eat, relax and go to bed. A co-worker saw my food. She said she hadn’t eaten all day. I told her then she should order something. Her expression changed to a blank stare for a moment, she asked if she could she have a bite. I reluctantly gave a positive nod. I’ll be damned if she didn’t start shoveling the food into her mouth. With her mandibles grinding, she mutters that she is so hungry that she could eat it all. I was in shock as I watched her masticate my food as if it were her own. From that point on in my mind our friendship will be forever marred.
So if you ever see me guarding my food as if I am protecting it from wild animals – I am. Human heifers have hampered my ability to be a gracious food sharer. My momma used to say: Your eyes may shine, your teeth may grit but none of my food are you gonna get.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Checking out...
I know it was not an afterthought for you to end up in the grocery store. There is no way you just happen to be in the store and filled up a cart. I know you made a decision to make this trip to this shopping destination. As you peruse the checkout area looking for the shortest line we both end up walking towards the same register, you with your overloaded cart and me with my three or four items. You pretend you don’t see me as you nudge you way in front of me. If it were reversed I would have let you go ahead of me. Fine, I’ll wait. You tap your toe as you look around impatiently. You unload most of your items onto the belt and have to wait again. My arms are getting tired. You look annoyed that you have to be there. I just want somewhere to set my stuff, thinking maybe I should have gotten a cart. You finally have enough room to empty the rest of the items from your cart. Now there is room for me to put my items at least on the edge of the conveyor belt but you have made your stance made it clear that you do not want your personal space encroached on. We wait some more. Items begin to inch forward and I force the issue by stepping around your cart and placing my items on what little belt real estate there is. There is a divider between our items, but barely noticeable. You glance at me sideways with an annoyed look on your face. I agree with you, I should have gotten a cart. You look at your watch as if you have somewhere to be, ten minutes ago. Your chin is slightly raised as you glance around the store making sure you do not make eye contact with anyone. You watch intently as the cashier scans your items.
Then the unthinkable happens. The cashier finishes scanning your items and gives you a total for your wares. You pause. Then you reach for your purse. You begin shifting through your own personal black hole of goodies. You pull out a large wallet and open it glancing occasionally at the total on the cash register. You slowly open your wallet and begin thumbing through your check book. I feel the rage build within me starting at my core as I come to the realization that after all this time you spent impatiently waiting you are just now beginning to fill out the information on your check. You could not have done this while you were at home while you were making out your grocery list? You could not have pulled out your checks while you were rudely blocking me from putting down my items? You couldn't have at least put the name of the store on the check. Fine, I get it, you don’t want to sign a blank check and take a chance on having your purse stolen. I am completely dumbfounded and enraged that you are so completely self absorbed that you could not have saved us all a few moments of time as the cashier, me, and the persons behind me have to stall our lives as we are forced to wait for you to take your sweet time filling out the check when up until that point your acted like you were in a huge hurry and would rather had been anywhere but in line at the grocery store. Hey, thanks for being such an annoying, self-centered, knob of a human being as we all adhere to your time frame. Oh yeah, don’t forget to saunter diagonally across the parking lot so that people are forced to wait for you to zigzag your way to your vehicle. It’s all about you, don’t mind us.
Then the unthinkable happens. The cashier finishes scanning your items and gives you a total for your wares. You pause. Then you reach for your purse. You begin shifting through your own personal black hole of goodies. You pull out a large wallet and open it glancing occasionally at the total on the cash register. You slowly open your wallet and begin thumbing through your check book. I feel the rage build within me starting at my core as I come to the realization that after all this time you spent impatiently waiting you are just now beginning to fill out the information on your check. You could not have done this while you were at home while you were making out your grocery list? You could not have pulled out your checks while you were rudely blocking me from putting down my items? You couldn't have at least put the name of the store on the check. Fine, I get it, you don’t want to sign a blank check and take a chance on having your purse stolen. I am completely dumbfounded and enraged that you are so completely self absorbed that you could not have saved us all a few moments of time as the cashier, me, and the persons behind me have to stall our lives as we are forced to wait for you to take your sweet time filling out the check when up until that point your acted like you were in a huge hurry and would rather had been anywhere but in line at the grocery store. Hey, thanks for being such an annoying, self-centered, knob of a human being as we all adhere to your time frame. Oh yeah, don’t forget to saunter diagonally across the parking lot so that people are forced to wait for you to zigzag your way to your vehicle. It’s all about you, don’t mind us.
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